Friday, October 28, 2011

Envy at the top

As I reflect on my love for travel and my longing after aspen trees in fall and wildflowers in spring I'm often troubled because it seems that my desire to visit and bask in all the beautiful places I can find is tinged by more than a little discontent. I want to see all the aspens and the most beautiful ones. I want the best wildflowers. In fact, I think I rather want to be God. All this beauty that no one sees that I want to see and at heart the mingled toddler's cries of "But I want it!" and "It's not fair!" But it's not wasted. Why shouldn't God have a few spectacular sunsets to Himself? Hasn't He provided me with sunsets and clouds and turning leaves of all descriptions? Aren't I perhaps I little ungrateful for the bounty I've already been given that I turn so rapidly away and wonder "perhaps I could have exchanged it for something better?" In my redeemed soul there is hopefully a Godly longing for beauty and creation that God is using for my own sanctification, but on the flesh side there's a whole lot of clamoring for more, More, MORE!

What I'm going to do about this I have no earthly idea besides confess it ten thousand times and then unwittingly (or unthinkingly) encourage it again and again. Well, and try to be a whole lot more thankful. I suppose that's a start.

So there you have it. I actually would like to be God. This probably surprises no one except myself. Odd how that happens.

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