It's fun being a girl :)

Two words for you:

Under goodies.

It's just plain fun when you can rummage through the store picking out the cutest "pretties" and grinning to yourself because on the outside you might be all Jane Plain in your sweatshirt and sneakers, but you revel in knowing that today you wore the special pink underpants with yellow flowers and green polka dots that you wore the day you saw a double rainbow on the way to work and that the world better watch out because these are your sassy pants!

Guys just don't have this much fun.

Sometimes I feel sorry for them.

On the other hand, I pray I never, ever, in a million years, have to witness the spectacle of man wearing pink underpants with yellow flowers. My counseling budget just isn't large enough for something like that.

Thanksgiving

We're rapidly winding into Thanksgiving and the Christmas season. This year I'm grateful for friends with cute kids, daisies, Aunt Kathy, two and a half amazing years in California, and the chance to move back home and be with family. These past years have often been difficult - we've had three grandparents die in a 12 month period and wrestled with finding a place in Silicon Valley's intensely driven culture, but we've also grown and explored in ways I couldn't have imagined three years ago. I've moved towards reconciling with my past and understanding who God wants me to be. We're finally in a position to buy a house. Allen has a job that is stretching him in all kinds of ways but that also excites him. It's been good to be here, and now it's good to be going home where we can be with people who really believe in family. I continually that God that He has given me such lovely in-laws who have loved me every step of the way. For all that I'll miss about California, you can't buy anything to replace people like that.


Thanksgiving Menu:

Hot Spinach Dip and pita chips
Mixed Veg
Brie and crackers
Russian sausages (this and the one above are being brought by my Russian friends. I can't want to try the sausages.)

Herb Roasted Turkey with gravy (this is the recipe I make in my camp oven the past couple of years we've gone camping over Thanksgiving. Why mess with a good thing?)
Sweet Potato Casserole (without marshmallows)
Onions roasted in their skins
Cornbread sage and onion dressing
Mixed baked beans with mustard greens and bacon
Steamed Broccoli
Korean Style Carrots (another offering from my Russian friends - she says it's not actually Korean :)
Rolls (still deciding that one actually)

Pecan pie
Apple pie
Pumpkin pie
...all the above served with mountains of whipped cream :)


Aunt Nita's Apple Cider
Sparkling Cider
Pinot Noir
Riesling
Hot Chocolate/Coffee/Tea


Now I just need to get everything cooked and on the table :)

teddy bears and puppy dogs

I must admit that I have what could actually be an embarrassing number of dolls and stuffed animals. There are my American Girl dolls (Kirsten and another doll that in a fit of misguided mothering I named "Krishta); there's my "no seriously she's old enough to be a legitimate childhood keepsake" Fisher-Price doll, Cindy, who has managed to survive over 26 years of my often enthusiastic affection with only a flat spot on her nose to show her age; in addition, there's Fluffy the stuffed dog, an ancient pound puppy, and a miscellaneous assortment of other stuffed animals both small and large. Mercifully there is no 100+ collection of beanie babies packed in tissue paper. But intrinsic to the act of packing is sorting. Things go in piles, and eventually you have a pile of things that aren't worth moving. The NYC teddy bear Allen bought on a visit and later tossed into my lap after meeting me at school (the meeting where I thought "he's really glad to see - like, really glad to see me. Does this mean he likes me?!?) obviously goes with me. But what about the cute teddy bears I got on some not terribly well remembered camping trip? It was probably in the Smokies, but which trip? What about the stuffed puppy (Magi) that Julie bought me the Christmas we realized that none of us kids had bought presents for the other and, after assembling some loose change, paired up and went roaming through Walmart? So I see Magi and remember all the times us kids banded together to solve some problem regarding presents or chores. Those were good times when we pulled in harness to deal with a home life that could be chaotic and stressful. Now the band is broken though - broken so completely that I occasionally wonder whether it ever existed. Was I a good big sister? For all the hours I read books when they were little, did I charge them in surliness and unconcern later? I don't know. There's no one I can trust who can tell me either. So Magi opens quite a mixed bag of emotions for me. And don't get me started on the funny little half-circle pillow Joey gave me one Christmas. It's made from pink quilted material (left over from a place mat?) that I think he got mom to sew in half. Then he came up to me with a needle and thread and some odd bits of trimming and showed me exactly where to sew to make a mouth and nose and two eyes. It's the funniest thing you ever saw, and he couldn't have been more than 5 I don't think. When I'd finished he took it away and wrapped it up and gave it to me for Christmas. Tell me you can toss something like that no matter how silly it looks! But once again, I don't know Joey any more. He's a stunning looking young man (he and my other brother) with a lovely girlfriend and plans for Navy career. Some things once broken become as if they never were. So there are times when I want to put everything in a pile and just get rid of it and forget the bad memories, and yet I can't. Once upon a time I was Natalie M. - big sister, one of five, firstborn daughter. Now, sometimes it feels like those lines from Jane Austen's Persuasion, "Now they were as strangers; nay, worse than strangers, for they could never become acquainted." It does not seem that there will be any friendship without reconciliation, and as that presently seems impossibly remote I will continue to pack and remember and laugh that a 28 year old should have a stuffed bear half her own size. (And this I will unapologetically keep since he reminds me of my old dog who was much the same color and size.)

I'm still here

It seems like all I do is post recipes and book reviews of CTBHHM, but mostly that's because I've been head down in property searches. There are over three thousand listings in our general search area, and no matter how you slice it that means finding and evaluating hundreds of listings. This means keeping up with new listings, pre-sorting listings to consider later, looking over my first cut, and then referring my cut list to Allen so we can evaluate and rank our top choices together. There might be an easier to way to do this, but then again I've never been terribly good at collating this sort of information. It's this kitchen vs that backyard vs this other listing price that would let us rip out the kitchen and put in whatever we want. In other words - it's hard! I thought I was pretty flexible, but I'm finding that as I look through houses I'm finding "want to haves" that I never thought about six months ago. I knew a private backyard was important, but I didn't know that I prefer foyers and entryways to walking straight off the porch into the living room. I don't have to have a formal dining room, but five years of apartment living haven't endeared me to the combination living/dining room. The more we talk about what we want to do with our house we realize that we really want a den/rec area so we can set up a ping pong table and have Allen's family over to play games and eat lots of food. Allen needs an office space. We want room for those hypothetical children. (We're working on making them less hypothetical.) In other words - we kind of want a big ol' house :) I say this as a person who hasn't even filled up her two bedroom apartment (well, I have but not with furniture!).

So yeah, packing and house shopping. That's me. I'll try to post another installment on the book review soon though. I have a feeling that if I don't finish it up before we move that it might not get done.

Created to Be His Help Meet: Part 1 (Concerning Mysteries and Kingdoms)

We're finally closing out Part One of CTBHHM, and I wanted to share an insight I gained talking with my mother-in-law. As we discussed some of the problems I have with this book she pointed out that at least some of my reactions are probably heightened because I saw my mom and dad acting out a codependent relationship with my mom at the center. Even though my mom would swear up and down that my dad called the shots, her emotional state is what, from my perspective, actually ruled the family. Hence I get really jumpy listening to Mrs. Pearl talk about how women can have a perfect marriage regardless of their husbands - once again all that talk about respect and authority masking the real position as wife firmly in the central, guiding role. On the other hand, women who grew up seeing their moms (or other women around them) getting along despite a recalcitrant husband might actually be encouraged by hearing that they can have a "good" marriage regardless of the man's attitude. I still think it's potentially problematic for wives to take some of Mrs. Pearl's very pragmatic advice into healthy, maturing marriages, but I understand a little more why some women might miss so much of what completely turns me off of this book.

Chapter 13 opens with the "great mystery" of Ephesians 5:32-33 and the return of Dubious Exegesis Debi. I'm going to block quote Ephesians 5:32-33 once as cited in CTBHHM and follow with Ephesians 5:22-33 as per my Bible. Although I typically use ESV I'll post the second quote from KJV just for comparison's sake.

This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and church...and the wife see that she reverence her husband.(emphasis in original)

Compared with:

22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. (emphasis mine)

I realize those at just a couple hunks of text tossed on the (virtual) page, but I wanted to provide a means of contrasting and contextualizing Mrs. Pearl's reference. It doesn't take an advanced degree in English to see that Mrs. Pearl is leaving a whole lot out of her quote. The Bible says "This is a great mystery:but I speak concerning Christ and the church." Basic reading here: "but" contrasts with "mystery" and attempts to provide some sort of information about this mystery. It doesn't say "and" which would you lead you into another topic. This is about the mystery. What mystery though? Is it wives reverencing husbands? The preceding sentence says "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery." Any common sense reading of this passage would equate the "great mystery" with the "one flesh" of marriage. If you look back up at the extended quotation you'll that Paul is constantly going back and forth between the unity of marriage and the unity of Christ and Church. Based on his argument I'd say that this "great mystery" refers to the "one flesh" union of marriage and furthermore applies the metaphor of marriage to Christ's union with His Church. Could Mrs. Pearl be right? Maybe. But, although I can excuse her elipsing out the husband's role she also left out this ticky little "Nevertheless." If we took the husband out of that passage it would still read "Nevertheless let...the wife see that she reverence her husband." "Nevertheless" is approximately equivalent to "however" and signals a shift in the conversation and is therefore and important word to have been left out. Given the complete quotation it would take quite a bit of 'splaining for me to accept Mrs. Pearl's version of the "great mystery."

You might think I'm spending too much time on a simple misquote, but it's important when she's making it the foundation for understanding how a wife reverences her husband. The biggest mystery is how she missed the mystery! Once she gets past her odd exegesis Mrs. Pearl actually has some good things to say about how our marriage is supposed to be an earthly picture of Christ's union with the Church and how this prepares us for the day when we really are joined to Christ.

And now it's over the top story time! Mrs. Pearl presents us with another wife (this time one whose husband visits prostitutes) who goes out of her way to make her husband feel like the most amazing dad in the world. I suppose I'm a wildly skeptical wife, but I don't think my marriage vows include anything about coming down with an incurable venereal disease because I'm having sex with a man who has sex with prostitutes. In that same vein I don't consider staying with a man who tried to kill with a butcher knife while you're pregnant to be covered by my marriage vows. Since Sunny and Amed's story (and the outrageous advice Mrs. Pearl gave) are legendary I won't add very much. If you have a friend who refuses to leave her abuser then counseling her to do everything in her power to not set him off is valid, but it's not as valid is seeing that son a degenerate rat put in jail! Actually counseling a woman to stay with her abuser could end up with with one (or more) deaths, and I'd hate to be the woman who told that wife to stay.

But, once again, if you ignore the crazy you'll find some good advice on overlooking your spouses faults (not feeding the dog, forgetting your birthday, etc) and not trying to "punish" them with our attitudes. At best you get strife and at worse you get the freedom for a find another man who'll forget to mend the door or pick up a gallon of milk. Good marriages, as Mrs. Pearl rightly points out, are made of overlooking faults and loving the other person.

I wasn't sure about adding any more to this post since it's already getting rather long, but if you'll bear with me the next chapter is pretty short.

Mrs. Pearl closes out Part 1 with a chapter on the practical outworkings of reverencing one's husband. I could go into it point by point, but basically it means publicly and privately acting in ways that build your husband up and bring him honor. It means serving him and appreciating his attentions and company and certainly not shaking off an embrace because he might mess up your dress or your hair. (Caveat: If we were getting ready for an event and Allen tried to bear hug me in such a way that it'd be another 20 minutes putting my hair back in order I'd give him a friendly warning to that effect simply because being late/arriving deshabille could also reflect badly on us/him.) So far so good. Once again though I lose her when she says that God has installed in a men a response mechanism whereby wives can win their husbands by correct behavior and that men, conversely, really can't do anything about a recalcitrant wife. She might have a point, but if you read that as "You can lead your angry husband even if he resists, but he can't lead you unless you let him" it doesn't seem to square with the roles of husbands and wives. I don't have a chapter and verse at the moment, but it doesn't sound right.

Next time we'll start on Part 2. Stay tuned :)

Created to Be His Help Meet: Part 1 (Men and Women)

One reason I don't trust Mrs. Pearl is because her exegesis tends to be very hit or miss. On the other hand, her writing is actually best when she approaches things pragmatically - ie how to make the best of being married when one (or both of you) can't handle situations in an emotionally mature, Biblical manner. Face it, this book isn't written to wives who basically wish to do well by their husbands and who have similarly inclined husbands. This is a high octane drag race out of marriages that are one mislaid gas bill away from divorce court. Her examples, predictions, and methods are extreme. If Allen and I tried living by these chapters we'd be in counseling within 6 months. Just writing this review I'm noticing myself slipping back into timidity.

All of chapter 11 is pretty much an example of how NOT to read your Bible. I'm almost impressed that her husband (a pastor and supposedly a Greek scholar) would have endorsed so many errors. I suppose the crazy goes deep in their home. And as usual she displays a complete lack of nuance in describing men and women. In her world men carve out canoes with their teeth and use them to go hunting polar bears with spear made from the tusk they wrestled out of a walrus. We ain't got no sissy boys here no sir! The women, naturally, are calm, practical, and rather bemused by these caveman activities. Whenever a man stops punching trees down with his fists to comment on the color of sunset or quote a little Wordsworth his woman is thrilled to see her hulking he-man actually possesses a shred of sensitivity. Yeah........For the record I make a really mean apple pie, and Allen would never have started backpacking if I hadn't persuaded him to come with me. On the other hand Allen likes to wrestle with code monsters the size of Grendel (if I'm reading those muttered imprecations correctly that is) while I content myself with a little old fashioned romance. Who's more likely to read an old book because it's there? Allen. Who's more likely to climb on top of a rock because it's there. Me. Who wears the pants in the family? Allen - all day, every day, and that's the way we like it. But, we were going to talk about exegesis.

Naturally enough Mrs. Pearl takes a big chunk of space going over the Adam and Eve narrative. She has this spiel about how God created man with all this armor that helps men drive to succeed and enjoy challenges and how God created women to stand behind her husband's armor with the understanding that a woman's more tender and trusting nature is necessary for rearing children. As a general outline of male/female temperaments it's fine, but as part of the Adam and Eve narrative it's only the first of many problems. She interrupts this narrative to basically say that men and women have different ways of being spiritual and different ways of ignoring God. She turns this into a claim that most Christian cults (not sure how she's defining that) are brought about by women. To support this she cites Matthew 13:33 which says, "He told them another parable. 'The kingdom of heaven is like leaven that a woman took and hid in three measures of flour, till it was all leavened.'” In case this parable isn't fresh in your mind (I had to look it up) it's the last in a series of parables (including the mustard seed story) concerning the kingdom of Heaven and, to my understanding, illustrates how God's kingdom grows and expands. I could be convinced otherwise, but it would take more than the bare statement "Jesus uses this to illustrate corruption" to do so. This is important though because Mrs. Pearl is about to completely exonerate Adam for his role in the Fall. You'd think this would be hard, but by starting with 1 Tim 2:14's statement "And Adam was not deceived" she builds a case that Adam found himself led by his love for Eve to ignore God's rules so that Eve could have her heart's desire. On this basis women need to be very careful with the power they have over their men so as to not destroy their husbands and themselves with him. Right. Adam, lord of creation, whipped! It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me either. On one hand these men of ours are so set in their ways that must resort to placation to preserve peace and on the other hand we can send them to Hell with a little hip sashay. I realize that people are contradictory, but this is going a little too far. As Allen pointed out, Adam may well have been using Eve as a guinea pig to test God's rules because, hey, he could spare another rib if Eve burst into flames. Sounds more a kid saying "you open the cookie jar" than a mature man blinded by self-sacrificing love. Don't know that I'll ever know what really happened in Adam's head, but by that token neither does Mrs. Pearl!

To continue this story of fallen Eve, Mrs. Pearl looks to Jezebel the notorious wife of Ahab. No surprise that Jezebel becomes something of an all-powerful, emasculating force and that Ahab becomes a poor, pathetic loser. According to Mrs. Pearl, Jezebel 1. Led Ahab spiritually, 2. Caused Ahab to become unstable and depressed by assuming "the masculine role (112)," 3. Played Ahab's stress to her own advantage, and 4. Influenced her husband to destroy those she didn't like by using "spiritual pressure (113)." In other words Ahab was led around by his nose. Poor chump never really stood a chance. I think I'll pity him. Oh wait!

In the thirty-eighth year of Asa king of Judah, Ahab the son of Omri began to reign over Israel, and Ahab the son of Omri reigned over Israel in Samaria twenty-two years. 30 And Ahab the son of Omri did evil in the sight of the Lord, more than all who were before him. 31 And as if it had been a light thing for him to walk in the sins of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, he took for his wife Jezebel the daughter of Ethbaal king of the Sidonians, and went and served Baal and worshiped him. 32 He erected an altar for Baal in the house of Baal, which he built in Samaria. 33 And Ahab made an Asherah. Ahab did more to provoke the Lord, the God of Israel, to anger than all the kings of Israel who were before him. 1 Kings 16: 29-33

For all her "exegesis" Mrs. Pearl never once points out Ahab's own evil character and how it contributes to the story. For instance, it says that Jezebel took the king's seal and signed letters in his name and sent them out in a plot to kill Naboth. Mrs. Pearl takes this as evidence that Jezebel was usurping authority, but in ancient times the one who had the king's seal essentially had the king's voice, and you'd think that if Jezebel had slipped it off his finger one night we'd know about it from Scripture because it would be a Big Deal. It's far more likely that Ahab was sulking like a little boy and only to happy for his clever wife to deal with things. Does that make Ahab weak? Yes. Does it make him fully complicit? Yes. Did God hold Ahab accountable for taking Naboth's vineyard? Yes. If you flip back through 1 Kings you'll see that Elijah doesn't go to Jezebel and rebuke her for usurping her husband's authority and conspiring to commit murder. Instead Elijah goes directly to Ahab and accuses him of murder. Jezebel comes in for her share of condemnation, but Ahab is still clearly the one in authority, and what Jezebel does in the Ahab's name is counted to him.

Honestly this whole story is a bit of a muddle. There isn't much to be said for either Ahab or Jezebel. Jezebel is a obviously a thoroughly evil woman whom (and I'm surprised Mrs. Pearl missed this bit) the Bible says incited Ahab to evil, yet Ahab was already dashing off the sins of his fathers with ease when he married Jezebel. Ahab might have been weak to let Jezebel handle things for him, but one could also say that Ahab used Jezebel to accomplish his own desires when he couldn't be bothered to exert himself. My problem with Mrs. Pearl isn't that Jezebel isn't fully as wicked as she says but that there's no consideration of who the Bible declares Ahab to be. Jezebel didn't take (or do) anything that Ahab wasn't ok with. The Bible doesn't even say that she led him away after idols (and the Bible isn't shy of saying that). That's a different story than Debbie would have you hear.

Debbie concludes chapter 11 by considering some positive examples of Biblical womanhood. I do like that she affirms the strength and dignity of the Proverbs 31 woman. I know a whole lot of guilt and shame comes in the door with that particular passage, but I've become convinced that we should really be reading Proverbs 31 and be encouraged by her strength and humor. Feeling that way it's always good for someone to stop apologizing for why she exists. However, Mrs. Pearl mostly uses this space to trot out her two pet peeves of the overly spiritual woman (who's actually using her "superior" spirituality against her husband and family) and the controlling woman. Not two things I really see in Proverbs 31 and (par for the course) not things that she backs up with reference to Proverbs 31.

Now for good parts of Mrs. Pearl's exegesis. Mrs. Pearl opens chapter 12 by explaining the hierarchy God has placed in marriage and that submitting to this hierarchy is more about submitting to God and taking your role in the grand metaphor of marriage than about submitting to a man because he's earned it somehow. That's something people (women) need to hear more often. We salute the uniform if not always the man in it. It's not, as she goes on the explain, that women are incompetent to lead or teach or hold authority but rather that God has drawn limits around those activities. As Mrs. Pearl put it, "It is not a question of being qualified; it is a matter of being authorized (119)." I'm encouraged that her explication of Deborah on this matter is to the point. Deborah the judge was a very effective leader and mother of Israel, and she knew that it was too Isreal's shame that there were no men remotely capable to be found. If you read the whole story you know that the king himself wanted to hide behind her skirts when he went into battle, and that resulted in even more glory and honor being taken from him. When women rule men well it's a judgement not a blessing, and that goes double for marriage.

So there you have it. It's taken me a good while to get this post up because there's so much I wanted to say, and with good and bad so frequently mingled it's been difficult to state my position with any clarity. Also, there are a couple of typos in this post, and I'm currently getting too cross eyed to go back and check them. So forgive my laziness. Hopefully this review hasn't been too jumbled. I'll try to get something coherent up in the next couple days, but since my in-laws are coming to town tomorrow I may not be getting on the internet much for the next few days.

Created to Be His Help Meet: Part 1 (Understanding your husband)

I'm just going to say up front that all of chapter 8 is something of a headscratcher. From a purely pragmatic point of view I see value in her advice. Men who demand to be waited on hand and foot aren't likely to brook much opposition. Guys on a personal crusade to restore the Stuart Monarchy aren't likely going to care so much about living in a nice bungalow within reasonable distance of his wife's family. Laid back guys who just grind out their days probably won't move to Alaska because some dude with bushy eyebrows found a few ounces of gold. As a wife you pretty much have to roll with it - guys don't typically marry a woman hoping that they've finally found someone who'll give their whole personality a brisk going over. On that front I'd say read this chapter and grab any bits that look likely and see where they take you. In the broadest terms (ie stop nagging and deal) Mrs. Pearl is saying something valuable. On the other hand, she's also pulling some things straight out of her braid. For instance, Mrs. Pearl opens by saying that she understands men to be expressing in their dominant traits different sides of God's Triune nature and then says that Jesus is the only man who contained all three of these traits in perfect balance but then moves on without any explication. Maybe it's a deep insight. Maybe it's not. Without more context it's hard to tell.

Oh, and here are my odd statements for this chapter.

Most young girls are married only a short time when they make the awful discovery that they may have gotten a lemon (76).

and

Wives are very much flesh and blood, and as young women we don't come to marriage with all the skills needed to make it start out good, let alone be perfect (89).

A. I really hope not.
B. Generalize much?

And so far that's Mrs. Pearl in a nutshell - some larger good principles to apply and then some completely odd statements that make me think she's really writing this book to her younger, headstrong self who jumped into marriage with an autocratic man and (almost) lived to regret it before finally learning to just roll with the punches. Nice work if you can get it, but then again if one of my daughters ever tried out her "I want to have your babies" line I'd yank her lily butt back home before the fella'd had time to stop blushing. Call me old fashioned, but I like the men to do the chasing.

Before moving on I'd like to comment on her bike trip honeymoon story. I agree with Mrs. Pearl in part. In the interest of peace this wife really did need to understand that her husband was not going to listen regardless of how well suited she was to advise. Better for her to have as much fun as she could than to become bitter. I would even add that she needed to diligently search her own heart to see if she'd been advising him with an open and loving spirit or whether it had grown from superiority and discontent. In either case she has some work to do. If the latter she needs to work on her heart and focus on keeping her mouth closed until she can speak to her husband with love and respect. In the former case she might also need to keep her mouth closed, but she should also realize that she might have married a fool and need to pray (and prepare) accordingly. This might mean stashing part of her mad money (or butter and egg money) in the freezer so they have something to fall back on when he dumps their last penny into a busted enterprise. It might mean quietly signing up for AAA and changing the oil yourself when he steadfastly ignores car maintenance. This is a trajectory that Mrs. Pearl doesn't consider but seems implicit in the man's character as described.

Chapters 9 and 10 really go together and therefore will be treated as one block. She opens with a letter from a woman whose husband has, after long years working as a CPA, decided he wants to be a dairy farmer. She's upset, overwhelmed, and really not into it. While Mrs. Pearl's response is a little over the top it's still on point in that she basically tells the wife to deal with it and enjoy being a dairy farmer's wife. Better to follow her husband's lead than to make them all miserable, and (although Mrs. Pearl doesn't suggest this) it's barely possible that if this wife made a gung-ho effort that after a year or so her husband might decide for himself that they really aren't country people and propose a move back towards their old life.

Transitioning from chapter 9 to chapter 10 Mrs. Pearl explains how revising our thoughts can change the way we feel (and therefore change our reactions) and stop the cycles of harmful reactions. She illustrates (and here I find Mrs. Pearl refreshingly realistic) how the dairyman's wife can spend days and weeks thinking about her own frustrations and grievances until she literally bursts the second her husband walks in the door. By refocusing her thoughts on how diligent her husband is and how grateful she is for his provision she can break the cycle that is wearing down her and her husband. Mrs. Pearl concludes with something that's worth quoting and remembering: "No woman will ever have peace and joy in her marriage until her mind is filled with goodwill towards her husband (103)." Amen. Over all I'm finding CTBHHM both better and worse than I remembered.

Going Home

We'll soon be leaving California for our beautiful home state of Alabama. There are already boxes stacking up in the spare bedroom, and I've started bookmarking real estate listings. After living in three different states it's finally time to be home - to settle and plant tomatoes and bake bread in my own kitchen and drink sweet tea with friends from church and watch the fireflies flickering on a muggy evening. I won't have my own Christmas tree this year, but next year I'll buy the biggest tree I can fit in my house and put lights in the trees.

Lord please be willing.

I'm going to plant bulbs outside my windows and watch them come up in the spring. I'm going to have a place to spread out my projects and have six things going at once. We're going to put a pinball machine and a ping pong table in the basement and invite Allen's brothers over. I can't wait. I'm already going over paint colors in my head. I'm trying to prepare myself for a house that isn't perfect. I don't want all the pressure of "falling in love." Really though, I want to walk into a house and see the next ten years staring back at me in the windows. I want a place that says "Sure Yosemite was your refuge in California - this can be your refuge every day." Hard lines asking a house to live up to one of the most amazing national parks in the country, but there it is. I want to sunlight on the floor to be my Merced River and porch to be my Tuolumne Meadows. I bet that's one the real estate agent hasn't heard before!